I can say penis in a conversation without giggling now.

You know when you just have so much you want to write, so where the heck do you begin?

Well..
I am happy to report that I wrote my final nursing exam this past week. It is the national exam - where all of the country writes the same exact exam at the same exact time. An exam to determine if, after all the schooling, you are actually competent enough to be a "grown-up"nurse.

I was as prepared as I thought I could get- having got 95-100% on the national "practice" exam the day before. But when you tear open the booklet of questions with your scantron sheet beside you, and realize that you don't have a clue as to the answer of question one...

yah. It all started like that.

Thankfully it was over, a grueling three and a half hours later. 3&1/2 hours of sitting in one chair, a freezing cold hotel convention room, with 130+ other pencils tapping across scantron pages. Escorted to the bathroom by test auditors. Watched like a hawk. It wasn't intimidating at all. :S

And I was one of the first ones to finish-- some never did, as you only got 4 hours to complete it.

But it is done.
Everything but the waiting for the results in the mail that hold the answer to your nursing destiny!! :)

I freaking LOVE my job. Love it. And I am soooo glad to have not just one, but three different jobs in the nursing field! Some of my fellow grads don't have even one job, and here I have three. It is awesome to pick my own schedule and do everything I love doing. And to get paid to do it.

I seriously live the good life.

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After the Hiatus

What a year.

Now that I'm no longer in school full-time,  I have accomplished my life-long dream of becoming a nurse. I have my dream car. I have 7 amazing children who, while 5 live with us fulltime, fill my heart immensely as I become more concretely their confidante, their supporter, their mom or "bonus mom"... and, the count down begins as we get prepared for our eternal family to begin in less than 2 weeks from today...

We will be sealed as a family for Eternity in an LDS temple- a story I'm currently writing for the blog next week or so.

With that- I have no other "dream". I am embarking on a whole new set of dreams, most of which are unnamed and undiscovered. And I relish every thought of what lies in wait.



I am in the process of publishing the Daisyhalo's blog, and getting Nine Peas in the Pod into book form as well. As I have sat with my Will rereading blog posts and entries, we both realized how much we MISS the blog, and I'm possibly going to start blogging again now that I don't shudder with angst each time I look at a computer screen with dread of another paper to write or assignment to finish. There are so many untold stories in the past year, and I know the year ahead (heck, the MONTH AHEAD) holds so many more stories in the making that I cringe to think I could miss recording those moments.

There is much to fill in. Much to bring up to speed. And slowly the blog posts will resume to fill those blanks for us and our family...

We will take more pictures. Write more stories. DOCUMENT the amazing, loving, fulfilling journey we're on. Happy doesn't decribe this feeling, and each day Will and I are more in love, more excited over a future of possibilities and completeness.

Not Me Monday- May

It's Monday. And it's NOT time to elaborate on the things I DID NOT do recently.

First off, I did NOT dust off the lawn mower (since it finally stopped raining) and started to tend to the front lawn. At which time, the loveable and annoyingly cute five-year old twosome (Mimi and her cousin/best friend, Lady-Ah) did NOT stop me for what was OBVIOUSLY the mostimportantquestionever!!!

"Maaaawwwm, do you know where my SUPER AWESOME favouritest Webkinz is?". yah. And the TOTALLY rockin' of a mother that I am, after giving them the 'all-knowing' answer of,"um, last I checked, I didn't play with your Webkinz so I have no IDEA where you left it", I proceeded to restart the mower. Only, I didn't. I mean, I TRIED.... but said mower was having none of it. SO, I did NOT possibly audibly curse the friggen machine (which, in Motown, cursing is NOT totally frowned upon) for leaving HALF of my lawn in array. No, I totally LOVE being not only white-trash, but HALF white trash. LIke, seriously, who can't even be FULL white trash? Sad. I can't decide if having weeds grass longer than Grandpa's nose-hairs was more, or LESS, white trash than only having HALF of my lawn like that. Yep. Totally NOT annoyed.

(can you see the LINE in the grass? Yah, that one...RIGHT THROUGH my front yard. Classy)

And, for my own boasting record-keeping, I got Will to drive me out 11 kilometers (kms) from town again this morning on his way to work. And I ran home. Only, it was NOT semi-spitting rain, and so I didn't have to worry about tanning only half of my face again. When I got home, my curiosity killed me, and I did NOT re-clock the kms justtocheck. Turns out, Will's speedometer is as dependable as my scale, and I did NOT run 12 kms instead!! ( Poobs, that's 7.5 miles for you... btw, happy holiday all you Americans). I am sooo excited that my scale, which I have TOTALLY decided is NOT broken, is moving to the left...albeit slightly. Whatever. I'll totally take it.

And this weekend I did NOT feel completely proud and out of place to attend Bigguy's highschool graduation ceremony. Um yah. Didn't I graduate, like, last week myself?! As if I'm NOT old enough to have a child graduating!?!? Nonetheless, he's NOT cuter than a hiccup.

It was nice that they had a few songs at the beginning of the dance for the parents to dance with their graduate, and so, I did NOT get a chance (after his mother, rightfully so) to dance with him. Awwwww.

And Em did NOT have a singing recital (which she aced, naturally), and LL's DECADE birthday is NOT tomorrow. I do NOT feel old.

Oh. And as if I do NOT think I should buy stocks in Salmon, because, lemmetellya, smoked salmon has GOT TO BE the best food ever. Yah. I am NOT lovin' its cheapness at the local grocers. That, and my Spicy Thai Chili Tuna.

May Yay or Nay Day

Yay!! I have started running again, seeing as I can't use full-time school as an excuse anymore. And isn't that what laziness is: just a series of excuses!? So, I started a marathon-training program again, using Hal Higdon again. This weekend, I had to work on Saturday, so I skipped the long run, and did it on the Monday (holiday). Taylor and LL went with me-- Taylor ran, and LL went on her bike. My love, Will, drove us down the highway, dropped us off, and we ran the NINE *point* FIVE kilometres home! YAY!!! I also learned that my front door is EXACTLY 10 kms away from the nearest town outside of "Mo". I am afraid of a few weeks from now, when I'll actually use that town as a HALF WAY mark! For the record..I believe entire towns should not be used as markers when running!!! ESPECIALLY when you live in hick-ville, and the towns aren't joined back to back like they are in big metropolises. (Metropolii? Metropoluses? Whatev.)

Nay that, because I only ran one direction (TOWARDS home) the sun was only shining on HALF of my body, and I now have a tan only on my right side. Loser.

Yay that today, I can actually walk. And Yay that I can actually sit myself down on the toilet without needing Will to help! (you who have run long distances or exercised really hard know that sitting on the toilet for the next few days is the HARDEST part of recovery! lol) Soon, Yay to ditching my it's-just-that-time-of-the-month,-okay? jeans and fitting into my skinny jeans. And by skinny jeans, I don't mean jeans that ONLY 13-year old bodies look semi-acceptable in: I mean, those jeans that are my skinny-self jeans.

Nay AND Yay that I have enough pairs of pants to actually have categories of them based on what the scale reads. Don't judge.

SUPER Nay that my scale is a WHOPPING 10 lbs different than my mother-in-law's new scale. (which, might I add... I gave to her for mother's day. I can't decide if appliances or bathroom scales are tackier to give to a woman. lol *she actually asked for one, so it's totally acceptable*) Um. I'm going to go with the whole idea that her scale just doesn't KNOW me, and doesn't account for...um..my long hair and extremely muscular self. My scale= the older and wiser one, the one ten pounds lighter, is much more accurate. yah. That's it. Older and accurate. Raaaiiiggghhhtt.

Yay to hot Mother's Day shoes. I bought a few new dresses with Will a month ago or so from Modest is Hottest, and wanted to find shoes to match both. Tricky, when they're TOTALLY different dresses. One is coral, one is purple. Two colours I seriously would have NEVER thought I'd wear.

So, when we went down to Utah to pick up THE BUG, we found these:
They became my Mother's Day present. When you're wearing sexy shoes, THIS is when being a Mom is the best! :P

Yay for Grace's 11th birthday yesterday. Amazing what a year ago to now brings-- What a doll.

Yay for a great weekend with ALL the seven kids. Nay that, until our vacation this summer, we will not be all together on the weekends again. Yay for an impromptu photo shoot just 2 minutes outside of Motown, where we HONESTLY outran the thunderstorm in the van and took the pictures JUST before the rain caught up.

Nay for the rainstorm. Although it's watering our recently planted garden (yay), it's also watering our not-so-recently built basement and food storage room. YAY for Rubbermaid containers that are keeping everything safe and dry...so far. Nay for the morons who built this house and put the flashings on inside out and backwards, I'm sure. How ELSE could rain literally come THROUGH a wall?! **Grumble** Oh, and when Bear came into my room to tell me the bathroom vent is leaking water through the roof last night, that was the best part of my day. yup.

And I can't decide if Will's suggestion to just finish the previously-began renos on this house and buy a NEW one that doesn't have allllll these issues is a Yay or a Nay, seeing how much we've put INTO this house now, and how I loathe moving.

And Nay that the weather forecast calls for rain allllll week-- meaning me and the treadmill have to be reacquainted. And sadder yet-- I have no good TV shows on the PVR to catch up on while I endure miles and miles of stationary running. :(

Nay that rain all week ALSO means flooding all week. Which means no one can shower, as all the towels will be mopping up the storage room. Or in the wash to be dried to be used again.

Nay for a washing machine that is on the fritz. It won't be long before we will likely have to replace it with something FAR MORE expensive superior. And red. Cuz red appliances are hot. Clean clothes are so overrated anyways. On the 'brighter' side... Yay that both Will and I have employment right now. You know, for buying washing machines and towels.

....and hot shoes. Clearly.
Let's be honest here.

My kids are totally worth a nipple or two

Okay.  Out the door in, like, five minutes to go be one awesome soccer mom.  It's raining and friggen cold out there and I'm pretty sure there'll be more than a few frozen nipples found on the grass, but us soccer moms endure it for the kids.  Secondly...soccer mom is wayyyyyy better than football mom-- football moms have to endure snow.  Blegh.  I am both, but would prefer to be..um..gymnastics mom.  Or chess club mom.  Maybe even something more sporty like tanning bed mom.

Then, after soccer, I turn into super-rad dance mom (shut it...rad is going to make a comeback soon with the MC Hammer pants and crimped hairstyles I see in magazines)..  It's recital night today...so off I go to do the jonbenet ramsey thing and douse my five year old in makeup.  Yep...see?  Super mom.  But when they turn out this cute...can you blame me for loving it?!

Love takes time

That sentence, "love takes time", really resonates with me lately.   I mean, it automatically starts the musical in my head ("love takes time to heal when you're hurting so much") because,  well who doesn't like a little Mariah Carey in their head all day?! 

Seriously tho..."love takes time" makes so much sence to me. 

Love takes time.

I have seen that evidenced at clinical.  Probably my own fault, but I have become very fond of that one client, and have spent more time with her than the others.  I have spent significant amounts of time on all clients, but that one is different.  The time we HAVE shared means more to me.   I have seen that, in order to love someone,  you need to spend time with/on that someone.  The more time I spend with each client, the more I love them.  Her 101st birthday, I sat at her side, holding her hand and realizing I have a real friend in someone who's lived my life three times over! 

I had a dream the other night, where EF was in it.  I haven't dreamt of EF for a long time.  being able to love friends and trust them the way I used to took time.  Being loved in spite of my fears, my insecurities, that took time for others.  Being able to love her again, to miss her, and to stop playing the mini-movie over  and over in my head of what I would have changed or said differently....that only came through time.

The biggest change has been the change within my home.

Time.   We have been together now for 2 years, 2 months, and 28th days (but who's counting?!)

I have had a few people comment regarding the changes in our children in the past year or so, about how they seem more secure, confident, and happy.  They comment on my relationship with Will's children specifically.  When we first got married, it was so different.  The kids, rightly so, kept their distance.  They have waited for me to show them that I am not going anywhere.  That I love them.  Love takes time.  For them to love me and to feel loved by me.  For Grace to give me a big hug and say I love you, to look forward to spending one-on-one time with her.  For Em to call me mom and come to me with her sadness, her frustrations, her needs.  We share more than just clothing, we share secrets.  Bigguy and Taylor hug me, talk about their dreams and plans for school...ask advice.  I'm starting to not only just be a stepmother..but to *feel* like a mother to these four children whom I love.

I knew it would..but it just took time.  Time for trust.  For security.  For safety.

  And, as a bonus, in that time, we found love.