"Water on wood..uh uh, no good"

Mine mother bequeathed that saying into me a goodly length of times past when I was a young wart hog. I knew that putting my wet towel on a dresser in mine chambers would ruin it, or a goblet of cold water would stain the table for feasting. And thou shouldest suppose that Will, who works with wood and drywall products would abide by these things. Alas, to my abysmal dismay, he hath forgotten that pnemonic phrase in the prime of his life.

Verily, whilst I was thus engulfed in running on the treadmill, mine beloved doth return home and cometh unto me. Shortly he saith unto me, How fare thee my love? I have hitherto been admiring thee. For thou art more precious unto mine eyes than the very jewels that doth hang in thine ear.

And it came to pass that he did speak much concerning the beauty that rightly dwelleth within mine possession. Verily, in his everlasting devotion unto mine soul, he doth noticed the treadmill in the most unfortunate of locations privy to the television.

Furthermore he doth move the chesterfield unto a new abode amidst the brick and mortar that is the dungeon chamber. Then he doth rearrange other basement necessities to the much joy of mine heart. It was most beauteous.

When, by my troth, our wee lass, Mimi, doth venture precariously amongst our midst.

Prithee, me lass, what breath is in thine bosom!? Thou art surely distressed, for thine eyes have ceased to hold the stars that intently sat upon thy pupils all the days of thine life!!

Come hither, my Queen! I beseech thee! For mine eyes have beheld the utmost of gravities. For anon, surely there shant be water spilling onto the NEW HARDWOOD FLOOR!

My lover doth bite his thumb at the heavens and curse as he hurriedly ran up the castle stairway. Methinks his eyes popped out of his head with worry upon realization of his gross iniquities. And in his haste, I ask him, what vexes thee so, my lord? I pray thee tell me of thine sorrow.

Unbeknownst to me, Sir Will didst arrive home from his endeavors at work and didst put a bucket of lingering paint under the well that is our kitchen faucet to rinse off. Then, whilst even reminding himself of the potential danger that eminently loomed should he forget about said bucket, his grace doth venture into the dungeon basement to greet me with a kiss. Ergo with the kiss from mine lips and the intoxicating nectar thereon, my lord doth assuredly forget the bucket. Mayhap it were not for the wee lass, the water most speedily should have seeped through the thatched roof of our humble abode and grossly put an end to mine eternal happiness.

From the lofty skies above, I heard him beckon unto me.

He doth shout, Wench!!! I bid you fetch me mine towel that I, in mine insolent ways, perchance may remedy the ills of mine wrongdoing!

His voice doth lovingly pierce mine heart with a thousand kisses of the evening dew for it surely sings sweeter than the morning lark unto the very core of mine soul.

Speedily I doth bring him towels and linens of the finest cloth and didst lay them round about the kitchen to save our hardwood. The futile efforts were well received, and didst put an end to the bathing waters that were our kitchen floor.

My lord and I doth spend much time on the morrow cleaning.

Alas, mine bosom doth most faithfully swell for this man, save he doth put aside the deplorable habit of washing unsightly paint things in mine most beauteous and beloved kitchen sink. Fie Fie unto him that doth bathe mine floor yet again.