Not Me Monday- May

It's Monday. And it's NOT time to elaborate on the things I DID NOT do recently.

First off, I did NOT dust off the lawn mower (since it finally stopped raining) and started to tend to the front lawn. At which time, the loveable and annoyingly cute five-year old twosome (Mimi and her cousin/best friend, Lady-Ah) did NOT stop me for what was OBVIOUSLY the mostimportantquestionever!!!

"Maaaawwwm, do you know where my SUPER AWESOME favouritest Webkinz is?". yah. And the TOTALLY rockin' of a mother that I am, after giving them the 'all-knowing' answer of,"um, last I checked, I didn't play with your Webkinz so I have no IDEA where you left it", I proceeded to restart the mower. Only, I didn't. I mean, I TRIED.... but said mower was having none of it. SO, I did NOT possibly audibly curse the friggen machine (which, in Motown, cursing is NOT totally frowned upon) for leaving HALF of my lawn in array. No, I totally LOVE being not only white-trash, but HALF white trash. LIke, seriously, who can't even be FULL white trash? Sad. I can't decide if having weeds grass longer than Grandpa's nose-hairs was more, or LESS, white trash than only having HALF of my lawn like that. Yep. Totally NOT annoyed.

(can you see the LINE in the grass? Yah, that one...RIGHT THROUGH my front yard. Classy)

And, for my own boasting record-keeping, I got Will to drive me out 11 kilometers (kms) from town again this morning on his way to work. And I ran home. Only, it was NOT semi-spitting rain, and so I didn't have to worry about tanning only half of my face again. When I got home, my curiosity killed me, and I did NOT re-clock the kms justtocheck. Turns out, Will's speedometer is as dependable as my scale, and I did NOT run 12 kms instead!! ( Poobs, that's 7.5 miles for you... btw, happy holiday all you Americans). I am sooo excited that my scale, which I have TOTALLY decided is NOT broken, is moving to the left...albeit slightly. Whatever. I'll totally take it.

And this weekend I did NOT feel completely proud and out of place to attend Bigguy's highschool graduation ceremony. Um yah. Didn't I graduate, like, last week myself?! As if I'm NOT old enough to have a child graduating!?!? Nonetheless, he's NOT cuter than a hiccup.

It was nice that they had a few songs at the beginning of the dance for the parents to dance with their graduate, and so, I did NOT get a chance (after his mother, rightfully so) to dance with him. Awwwww.

And Em did NOT have a singing recital (which she aced, naturally), and LL's DECADE birthday is NOT tomorrow. I do NOT feel old.

Oh. And as if I do NOT think I should buy stocks in Salmon, because, lemmetellya, smoked salmon has GOT TO BE the best food ever. Yah. I am NOT lovin' its cheapness at the local grocers. That, and my Spicy Thai Chili Tuna.

May Yay or Nay Day

Yay!! I have started running again, seeing as I can't use full-time school as an excuse anymore. And isn't that what laziness is: just a series of excuses!? So, I started a marathon-training program again, using Hal Higdon again. This weekend, I had to work on Saturday, so I skipped the long run, and did it on the Monday (holiday). Taylor and LL went with me-- Taylor ran, and LL went on her bike. My love, Will, drove us down the highway, dropped us off, and we ran the NINE *point* FIVE kilometres home! YAY!!! I also learned that my front door is EXACTLY 10 kms away from the nearest town outside of "Mo". I am afraid of a few weeks from now, when I'll actually use that town as a HALF WAY mark! For the record..I believe entire towns should not be used as markers when running!!! ESPECIALLY when you live in hick-ville, and the towns aren't joined back to back like they are in big metropolises. (Metropolii? Metropoluses? Whatev.)

Nay that, because I only ran one direction (TOWARDS home) the sun was only shining on HALF of my body, and I now have a tan only on my right side. Loser.

Yay that today, I can actually walk. And Yay that I can actually sit myself down on the toilet without needing Will to help! (you who have run long distances or exercised really hard know that sitting on the toilet for the next few days is the HARDEST part of recovery! lol) Soon, Yay to ditching my it's-just-that-time-of-the-month,-okay? jeans and fitting into my skinny jeans. And by skinny jeans, I don't mean jeans that ONLY 13-year old bodies look semi-acceptable in: I mean, those jeans that are my skinny-self jeans.

Nay AND Yay that I have enough pairs of pants to actually have categories of them based on what the scale reads. Don't judge.

SUPER Nay that my scale is a WHOPPING 10 lbs different than my mother-in-law's new scale. (which, might I add... I gave to her for mother's day. I can't decide if appliances or bathroom scales are tackier to give to a woman. lol *she actually asked for one, so it's totally acceptable*) Um. I'm going to go with the whole idea that her scale just doesn't KNOW me, and doesn't account for...um..my long hair and extremely muscular self. My scale= the older and wiser one, the one ten pounds lighter, is much more accurate. yah. That's it. Older and accurate. Raaaiiiggghhhtt.

Yay to hot Mother's Day shoes. I bought a few new dresses with Will a month ago or so from Modest is Hottest, and wanted to find shoes to match both. Tricky, when they're TOTALLY different dresses. One is coral, one is purple. Two colours I seriously would have NEVER thought I'd wear.

So, when we went down to Utah to pick up THE BUG, we found these:
They became my Mother's Day present. When you're wearing sexy shoes, THIS is when being a Mom is the best! :P

Yay for Grace's 11th birthday yesterday. Amazing what a year ago to now brings-- What a doll.

Yay for a great weekend with ALL the seven kids. Nay that, until our vacation this summer, we will not be all together on the weekends again. Yay for an impromptu photo shoot just 2 minutes outside of Motown, where we HONESTLY outran the thunderstorm in the van and took the pictures JUST before the rain caught up.

Nay for the rainstorm. Although it's watering our recently planted garden (yay), it's also watering our not-so-recently built basement and food storage room. YAY for Rubbermaid containers that are keeping everything safe and dry...so far. Nay for the morons who built this house and put the flashings on inside out and backwards, I'm sure. How ELSE could rain literally come THROUGH a wall?! **Grumble** Oh, and when Bear came into my room to tell me the bathroom vent is leaking water through the roof last night, that was the best part of my day. yup.

And I can't decide if Will's suggestion to just finish the previously-began renos on this house and buy a NEW one that doesn't have allllll these issues is a Yay or a Nay, seeing how much we've put INTO this house now, and how I loathe moving.

And Nay that the weather forecast calls for rain allllll week-- meaning me and the treadmill have to be reacquainted. And sadder yet-- I have no good TV shows on the PVR to catch up on while I endure miles and miles of stationary running. :(

Nay that rain all week ALSO means flooding all week. Which means no one can shower, as all the towels will be mopping up the storage room. Or in the wash to be dried to be used again.

Nay for a washing machine that is on the fritz. It won't be long before we will likely have to replace it with something FAR MORE expensive superior. And red. Cuz red appliances are hot. Clean clothes are so overrated anyways. On the 'brighter' side... Yay that both Will and I have employment right now. You know, for buying washing machines and towels.

....and hot shoes. Clearly.
Let's be honest here.

My kids are totally worth a nipple or two

Okay.  Out the door in, like, five minutes to go be one awesome soccer mom.  It's raining and friggen cold out there and I'm pretty sure there'll be more than a few frozen nipples found on the grass, but us soccer moms endure it for the kids.  Secondly...soccer mom is wayyyyyy better than football mom-- football moms have to endure snow.  Blegh.  I am both, but would prefer to be..um..gymnastics mom.  Or chess club mom.  Maybe even something more sporty like tanning bed mom.

Then, after soccer, I turn into super-rad dance mom (shut it...rad is going to make a comeback soon with the MC Hammer pants and crimped hairstyles I see in magazines)..  It's recital night today...so off I go to do the jonbenet ramsey thing and douse my five year old in makeup.  Yep...see?  Super mom.  But when they turn out this cute...can you blame me for loving it?!

Love takes time

That sentence, "love takes time", really resonates with me lately.   I mean, it automatically starts the musical in my head ("love takes time to heal when you're hurting so much") because,  well who doesn't like a little Mariah Carey in their head all day?! 

Seriously tho..."love takes time" makes so much sence to me. 

Love takes time.

I have seen that evidenced at clinical.  Probably my own fault, but I have become very fond of that one client, and have spent more time with her than the others.  I have spent significant amounts of time on all clients, but that one is different.  The time we HAVE shared means more to me.   I have seen that, in order to love someone,  you need to spend time with/on that someone.  The more time I spend with each client, the more I love them.  Her 101st birthday, I sat at her side, holding her hand and realizing I have a real friend in someone who's lived my life three times over! 

I had a dream the other night, where EF was in it.  I haven't dreamt of EF for a long time.  being able to love friends and trust them the way I used to took time.  Being loved in spite of my fears, my insecurities, that took time for others.  Being able to love her again, to miss her, and to stop playing the mini-movie over  and over in my head of what I would have changed or said differently....that only came through time.

The biggest change has been the change within my home.

Time.   We have been together now for 2 years, 2 months, and 28th days (but who's counting?!)

I have had a few people comment regarding the changes in our children in the past year or so, about how they seem more secure, confident, and happy.  They comment on my relationship with Will's children specifically.  When we first got married, it was so different.  The kids, rightly so, kept their distance.  They have waited for me to show them that I am not going anywhere.  That I love them.  Love takes time.  For them to love me and to feel loved by me.  For Grace to give me a big hug and say I love you, to look forward to spending one-on-one time with her.  For Em to call me mom and come to me with her sadness, her frustrations, her needs.  We share more than just clothing, we share secrets.  Bigguy and Taylor hug me, talk about their dreams and plans for school...ask advice.  I'm starting to not only just be a stepmother..but to *feel* like a mother to these four children whom I love.

I knew it would..but it just took time.  Time for trust.  For security.  For safety.

  And, as a bonus, in that time, we found love.

Mercer Mayer Would Have Been Proud

The setting:  dinner table, crowded to the elbows with kids and paternal grandparents

The menu:  pull-out-whatever-veggies-we-have-left-in-the-fridge-and-chop-them-up salad,  BBQ'D deer steaks from Bigguy's hunt this winter,  and mashed potatoes.

The history:  Mimi doesn't usually eat seconds, in fact,we're lucky if she finishes the firsts.  

So, call me surprised when she asks for...more salad!!!  Um..what??!  OK!  

When she finished everything on her plate, I turned to Will and mentioned my surprise.  Even Gramma noticed, and said to Mimi "wow!  You ate ALL your supper!  You even had two helpings! !"

Mimi:  nuh uh, Gramma,  I ate my supper all by myself!"

Six word Saturday

A perfect day starts with family.

Seriously? Like, for reals??

Okay, I feel like I need to preface that this post isn't going to make anyone cry...or lead anyone to think I'm having/adopting a real live baby.  ;) But just so we are clear...that post is alllllllll true.  You shoulda seen Elizabeth cry over this car!! Lol. It really sucks how badly I want to drive it-  especially with the weather getting better and better each week.  I can't wait.

Anyways.  Back to life(...back to reality)..

There's only one and a half weeks of actual school, before the ten days of exams.  Seriously, I can not express how excited that makes me.  And sad.
I just want to sleep again.  Just once.  ;). And I just want to get laundry folded.  ("what is this folding you speak of?!"). And I just want to run.

But I will miss helping and providing care on a daily basis to people who brighten my day.  Of course...there's always my kids and husband...but I doubt they want me to put incontinence pads on them.  Althooooough. ...

There's only one week left in our clinical setting, and I have grown to love some of the residents so much more than I thought I would.  Maybe even more than others would think I should!  Sterile and professional has no room for affection or emotion.

One lady has particularly touched my heart, and I am so sad to know how limited her time is on earth.  Today she barely got out of bed, and didn't look so well.  Although I am no longer her primary care giver, I notice a change in her and go in to visit with her daily.  And when they spend all night saying they "want to go home", I am aware that they aren't referring to a physical,earthly home.  Something about the way they say it, to whom, and when, makes a keen nurse aware that there's more to that simple saying.  And I don't apologize for letting them know, gently and in our own conversations, that it is okay to "go home" whenever they are ready.   I know what they are saying, and they know what I am saying too. 

Sometimes, nursing isn't about the physical "fixing".  It's not always about the medicine, the routine, the diagnosis.  In fact, I think it is usually NOT about using the medicine to heal as much as it is about using the spirit.

Whether you believe in a higher being or fate or whatever, spirituality is something we spend time in school learning.  It is considered a factor of health-  like eating or sleeping or pooping.  So it is sad that we take it out of so many avenues of our lives.  Keep spirituality out of the schools, the hospitals, the government.  And what do we end up with? 

The more we take spirituality OUT, the sicker a society we are becoming.

I am not advocating prayer circles at the dinner tables or bible studies during lunch hour, but spirituality is so misunderstood.  It is more than religion.  It is much more.  And once we figure out how important it is, we will be better off.

Like I said on Facebook quoting Patch Adams;  "we cant promise to cure, but we can promise to care". 

Ten peas in the pod?!

Our trip to Utah was awesome. Too short, but full of good things. People were totally friendly, talking wayyyyyy more about banal things than most people from motown would to complete strangers.

A lady whose house we stayed at for a bit noticed Will's accent, but said I didn't have one. We kinda thought that was cute, because I used to tease him about his accent when we first met. But I did notice that the more I spoke to the Americans, the more I spoke like them. "Y'all" and "awraiht " and "dija wanna"... Too funny. The worst is Motown Americans... With their "flippity fetching" and "oh mah heck". Thankfully we didn't get THAT infiltrated.

I told people we were going down to buy a motorhome. Which we did. See? In Canada, we would have paid almost twice the price we paid in Utah, so we are looking forward to putting a few miles on it this summer on our way through the states to New York and then up to Toronto and adding some memories to our family memory capsule.

....

But, the best part about the trip, that we didn't tell people about was our adopting a new baby girl. I AM SO FREAKING EXCITED!

She is absolutely adorable. When I first saw her, I knew instantly. Like, I would have practically picked her out of a thousand...she is going to fit into our family perfectly. She is perfectly behaved, quiet but filled with some personality, and you can tell just by looking at her she is as gorgeous and cute on the outside as she is on the inside!

We met the new mom, Elizabeth, Saturday afternoon. She had only had her for a day, but watching Elizabeth with the baby was absolutely heart-breaking. She loved her Soooo much, and although she KNEW she couldn't keep her and this was the best thing for everyone involved, her heart was still breaking.

We spent about an hour with the two of them, and then the time came for us to sign the official papers. Sitting at that desk, I couldn't help but feel guilty about how excited I was, while at the same time watching this brand-new mom gather tears in her eyes.

Papers were being signed, and Will noticed the pain that was evident on her face, and offered to have more of an open-policy with Facebook access and we would send pictures occasionally. She declined. Originally, when Elizabeth found out that we were Canadian and that we wouldn't be able to take the baby home right away, Elizabeth thought that she would get to keep her at her house in the meantime, and have more time to say goodbye. Unfortunately it doesn't work out that way, and Elizabeth cried out a bit when she found out that she had had her last moments alone with her baby. I could tell that giving up her baby to us was the last thing she thought she would do that soon after, but it was meant to be. Elizabeth and I are the exact same... Although I am obviously married and she is single, she is a thrity-year old, a nurse, in school, LDS, and I'm sure that knowing we had those things in common may have consoled her a bit more.

When it was time for her to have her last goodbye, she started to tear up a bit more. Her friend had come to pick her up, as she had told us that she hadn't even told her family yet that she was giving up the baby.

She barely even looked back. Before I could look up from peering down on the precious gift before me, Elizabeth was out of sight. I knew that the heartache and emptiness would be something Elizabeth would never fill. She may, someday when things are better for her, have another baby in her life, but it will never be the same.

Once Elizabeth had left, I sat there with my brand new, beautiful baby, just in awe. She is literally perfect. Will let me have some time alone with her while he got some stuff out of the car, and then for the next, like hour, we sat practically side by side, Will taking pictures of me with that beautiful girl in my hands.

We weren't allowed to bring her home today, as there are government papers and everything we need to sign/wait for in order for her to legally enter Canada with us, but in a few short weeks, we will have to come back to get her and finally bring her home and introduce her to the kids. Leaving her with the guardian was sad, and I even turned my car around and went back to see her one more time. I can't imagine what Elizabeth feels today, but in a small way, leaving my baby there sure was hard for me too, and I knew from Elizabeth's pain and how it mirrored my own, what kind of love a mother feels so quickly.

But for now, I will tear up with joy just looking at the pictures, and look forward to the day that she comes home to stay. Having her in my life was a dream I thought would probably never happen, and I have wanted her for so long, I can't even explain how much my dreams came true this weekend. I thought it would be impossible for me to ever include another baby into our family. Will has made all my dreams come true, and he hasn't stopped yet. I thought adopting such a beautiful babe would cost us an arm and a leg and then some. I thought that it would take YEARS for us to have the opportunity and be ready and have the stars align so perfectly. I know we are settled in our marriage and our life enough right now that we are totally ready for this addition.

Instead, it didn't have to be ANY of that. We will have to build a room/find some space/move things around for her, as she won't fit anywhere in the house right now. And, Although Will didn't bond to her quite like I have, he agreed to adopt another baby soon. He says he always wanted a black baby, and we will probably get a boy for him to bond with.

I know, I know... You have read this whole post and all you Wanna do is see a picture of me with my new, precious, perfect baby?

.

Gorgeous, isn't she?

Will tells me that the baby he brings home some day will also likely have chrome. ;-)

On the Road Again

Sad. March came and went without even ONE blog post from yours truly! oops. I'm pretty sure April's going to take a close second... so here's one, at least.

School rocks- especially the three days I'm in the clinical setting actually "BEING" a nurse. LOVE that part. I've secured a job for when school this semester is done, doing the same thing as I do in clinical, but here, in Motown. That's going to be a different step for me-- having a boss over the age of 2 isn't something that I've had since I was, like 20. ug.

But for now and the next three weeks (ish), it's finals time...papers and presentations and essays and exams, oh my.

We've spent lots of time just hanging on weekends with the kids when we have them, and this weekend, Will and I are headed to Utah. Out of all the US states I've been to (which is 18 so far), I love Utah best. It's going to be a bit of a rushed trip, seeing how we have to be back Sunday night and return to the monotony of parenting and work and school and blah blah... but still, that makes it fun too... Sleeping in the car or sleeping in a Walmart parking lot... eating at, you guessed it, Famous Dave's whenever possible, and just chilling. When you're stuck in a car for days at a time with your spouse, it's inevitable to bond in ways that don't happen when you have kids underfoot all the time. The conversations, the discoveries, and the memories are too priceless. I'm so excited.

Six word Saturday~ time's up

Everything good has to end sometime.

Yes...back to school Monday. Actually, I will be in my clinical setting for Monday thru Wednesday and back to the classrooms on Thursdays and Fridays. Unfortunately, I will be also in school this coming Saturday and Sunday for a one-time lab exam so I'm starting a twelve-day session of work and no play. Yah. goodtimes.

It was fun blogging more often lately, but if you don't hear from me again for a while, you know why.

To play six word Saturday, go to showmyface >dot< com and join Cate there.

"Water on wood..uh uh, no good"

Mine mother bequeathed that saying into me a goodly length of times past when I was a young wart hog. I knew that putting my wet towel on a dresser in mine chambers would ruin it, or a goblet of cold water would stain the table for feasting. And thou shouldest suppose that Will, who works with wood and drywall products would abide by these things. Alas, to my abysmal dismay, he hath forgotten that pnemonic phrase in the prime of his life.

Verily, whilst I was thus engulfed in running on the treadmill, mine beloved doth return home and cometh unto me. Shortly he saith unto me, How fare thee my love? I have hitherto been admiring thee. For thou art more precious unto mine eyes than the very jewels that doth hang in thine ear.

And it came to pass that he did speak much concerning the beauty that rightly dwelleth within mine possession. Verily, in his everlasting devotion unto mine soul, he doth noticed the treadmill in the most unfortunate of locations privy to the television.

Furthermore he doth move the chesterfield unto a new abode amidst the brick and mortar that is the dungeon chamber. Then he doth rearrange other basement necessities to the much joy of mine heart. It was most beauteous.

When, by my troth, our wee lass, Mimi, doth venture precariously amongst our midst.

Prithee, me lass, what breath is in thine bosom!? Thou art surely distressed, for thine eyes have ceased to hold the stars that intently sat upon thy pupils all the days of thine life!!

Come hither, my Queen! I beseech thee! For mine eyes have beheld the utmost of gravities. For anon, surely there shant be water spilling onto the NEW HARDWOOD FLOOR!

My lover doth bite his thumb at the heavens and curse as he hurriedly ran up the castle stairway. Methinks his eyes popped out of his head with worry upon realization of his gross iniquities. And in his haste, I ask him, what vexes thee so, my lord? I pray thee tell me of thine sorrow.

Unbeknownst to me, Sir Will didst arrive home from his endeavors at work and didst put a bucket of lingering paint under the well that is our kitchen faucet to rinse off. Then, whilst even reminding himself of the potential danger that eminently loomed should he forget about said bucket, his grace doth venture into the dungeon basement to greet me with a kiss. Ergo with the kiss from mine lips and the intoxicating nectar thereon, my lord doth assuredly forget the bucket. Mayhap it were not for the wee lass, the water most speedily should have seeped through the thatched roof of our humble abode and grossly put an end to mine eternal happiness.

From the lofty skies above, I heard him beckon unto me.

He doth shout, Wench!!! I bid you fetch me mine towel that I, in mine insolent ways, perchance may remedy the ills of mine wrongdoing!

His voice doth lovingly pierce mine heart with a thousand kisses of the evening dew for it surely sings sweeter than the morning lark unto the very core of mine soul.

Speedily I doth bring him towels and linens of the finest cloth and didst lay them round about the kitchen to save our hardwood. The futile efforts were well received, and didst put an end to the bathing waters that were our kitchen floor.

My lord and I doth spend much time on the morrow cleaning.

Alas, mine bosom doth most faithfully swell for this man, save he doth put aside the deplorable habit of washing unsightly paint things in mine most beauteous and beloved kitchen sink. Fie Fie unto him that doth bathe mine floor yet again.

THINGS THAT GO BUMP IN THE NIGHT...

It was the second or third coldest day OF MY LIFE!!

Last night in bed, while portions of my thighs and a lot of things were going bump in the night...:P, Will and I heard a loud, unfamiliar sound. Which, in normal midnight fashion, usually means a youngun' is falling out of the top bunkbed, a cat is catching a "mighty", or a teenager is getting off the cellphone. But this wasn't any of those sounds, and once the screaming was over, Will got dressed and out of bed to go check it out. (okay, there was no screaming... at least, not from being scared! lol)

This sound came from where our garage is, though, and Will remembered that he had forgotten to lock the garage door, so we were slightly worried. But there were no other sounds than the loud BAMM...

I sat in bed. Nekkid and wondering, if any of those freaks in my garage overtake Will and his mighty power, I should probably put some clothes on. Because, if the freaks are smart, they'll come in the house and try to take my virginity, and here I am, all sitting there like an unwrapped present. At least find some pants or... a pair of pretty, matching underthings. Because, if they DO kill me, (which they inevitably will,) I don't want my Mom to hear about how the ambulance arrived and I was wearing orange silky panties with a blue lace bra. TACKY much!?!

And then I realized my kids were also in immediate danger. Would I call 9-1-1 BEFORE the guys pillage the village that is my home, and THEN gather my little munchkins around me to 'mother-bear' them and keep them safe under my housecoat? But then... well, then we're like sitting ducks, all of my kiddos under my proverbial wing, and they kill us all at the same time? And what if they only wanted to hurt me, and my kids were woken up and gathered into my room by me, just to end up having to watch!?!? Or do I gather monkeys first, and THEN call 9-1-1? Oh, the dilemma!

Or, do I just act like I'm sleeping? Maybe they only want my super-expensive jewellery that I keep in.. um.. my shoe closet in the basement.



I tell you, I thought of all these horrible scenarios within the AGONIZINGLY long minutes that Will was investigating. And I won't say that I did, or did NOT pre-emptively call 9-1...just in case I heard a gunshot or screaming from Will and could easily just push the last 1 before being assured SOMEONE would know of my impending demise.

Will found nothing.
Not even so much as a mouse.
No footprints in the snow. No water pooling inside the garage from melting shoe-prints.

So, what made such a loud THUD that Will and I could overhear it while getting busie stopped what we were doing and didn't move a muscle or change a position for a full minute to hear any other scary sounds. Not an easy feat, given the whole "not changing positions part!" lol

OK ok.
My parents read this blog.

In all seriousness, it was scary!
This morning, Will discovered the culprit. It was coming from the garage. It was a loud, unfamiliar 'THUD'.


Two lessons learned:
Do NOT leave popcans in the below-freezing garage overnight.
Second- do NOT buy this type of pop.. It's gross. Which is why it's in the garage, unloved.

One down...three to go.

So, it's already the end of Tuesday.  I'm sad about that, as it means my week is already approaching the half-way mark.  I got so much done today and crossed off a million points on my "things to do when I get some time during the day" list.  The bottle depot, the bank, the health clinic..Only three weekdays left...and that sucks;  My house is clean for the first time all YEAR,  I got to play with my kids again, I can cook real dinners again, and we can make cookies...Speaking of cookies, having the week off also means I  can spend some time with my treadmill..FINALLY.

Having no school for me or the kids all week means we can watch movies.  I can catch up on a million TV shows that are taking up prime real estate on my PVR.  And best yet... I can stay up late with Will and then sleep in.  Yay for reading week.

Unfortunately I do have some school work to do.  But doing it in a clean home is just better.  And, "Will" can buy me flowers and I can enjoy them all day long, all week long.  Thanks babe..I love them and you can see what you bought me when you get home from work! ;)

Six word Saturday: break!

Finished six exams in one week!!!

Wayyyyyy too much studying for them.

So glad to be done now.
Ready for a week-long break.

Average grade in school so far: 89.16

If you wanna play along for Six Word Saturday, visit showmyface.com and play there with Cate.  

Heal Me Heel Me!!

Okay, prepost- I just HAVE to tell you I'm a little euphoric right now. Will called and asked what I was doing. "Blogging". "Oh ya? About what?" *sheepish grin..."shoes". And then it happened-- he told me I should go buy some new shoes... I can't remember the last time I went and bought shoes. And by 'shoes', I mean, more than 1 pair.. because, shoe shopping is only PROPERLY done when you find so many flippin' adorable shoes that you can't just pick one pair. It's like at the petshop when you're going to pick up kitty litter-- and you end up taking ALL the puppies home! Seriously. They're all sooo cute...How do you decide?! LOL Happily, I remember doing this often. (buying multiple shoes, not the puppy thing)But lately, school got in the way of my ludicrous extravagant spending on shoes and accessories. That, and money. These days, potatoe potahtoe.

I could quickly go over the past few shoes I bought-
black CLOSE-TOED pumps. I had been looking for MONTHS for the right pair. They look more or less like this. But the ones I bought have more toe-cleavage, which makes ANY pair of shoes that much more great.

And in the fall before that, I bought my granny-shoes. Yes, they're hideous... but it was definitely an inspired purchase because they are white and runners... Which are perfect for school because I have to wear shoes just like this in the hospital when I'm doing my clinical/practicum for the rest of the school year. So they're now my 'ew, don't touch them, they probably stepped in pee today' shoes.
And Will bought shoes for me (after I picked them) similar to this a while ago:
But now it's time to covet REALLY PRETTY THINGS!! XD And since I'm always stuck behind a desk or behind a dishwasher, or washing somebody's behind... I'll window-shop instead.

I am NOT a pink-girl. But these caught my eye, and I think they're super cute for spring and Easter.

Or you can get them in silver and be all Super-star. I think I'd do the pink, although the silver make me giggle with glee a little.

Now, another colour that is so "Sparkling Summer" and clearly NOT a "True Sparkling Autumn" is purple. So I will probably NEVER wear purple shoes. But I salivate at shoes with bows on the toes. (totally started singing "with rings on her fingers and bells on her toes and a bone in her nose, hoe hoe"... sad moment of geek-dom right there) So although these are purple, they fit my 'covet' list because they're pumps and they have the bow. Two against one....I win. Worse comes to worse, I have to go CLOTHES shopping to find an outfit to match them. oh darn, right?!
And.. green pumps. Yah. First off, red-heads and green-- FANTASTIC!!! Secondly, brightly-coloured shoes make me really happy. And thirdly, St. Patrick's day is soooo underrated. (ha. If I can get away with buying shoes for a very pointless holiday, I'm totally going to milk it!) I can't decide if I like the first or second pair better-- they both have qualities. I'm a bit more partial to the light-green ones.. it's like you're wearing a plastic alligator with the scalloped edges and I LOVE that, but something about the darker pair's colour won't let me put them back.

And I think these could be TOTALLY ADORABLE with a little sundress in the late spring/summer. I imagine picnics and walks through the park in these. I might even buy a big lollipop just to finish the look. I am a little over-obsessed with owning a pair of animal-print shoes. They have to be super cute and not "Out of Africa"esque. And no, I would NEVER be seen wearing them with anything khaki or green-- a la "zoo keeper". I can't decide on Zebra or Leopard, though. SO maybe a pair of both!? :) These two pairs look so soft, I kinda want to pet them!And, not news to the few of you who know me personally, I have short, stubby legs. And LOVE wearing pumps. So, I am all about making my legs look longer. Of course, losing weight always helps (ahem), but I don't have time for that right now so I'll take the easy way out and buy beige/skin-coloured shoes. :)

Like these. The patent look isn't really up my alley, but it'll do, since most of the other tan-coloured shoes looked ridiculous and I would NEVER wear them. But Steve Madden? Yah, I'd ALWAYS wear those!

So, here's a few yummy morsels to tickle your tongue with! I know, right?! So many shoes, how do I choose?!

What I Daydream While I'm Supposed to be Studying.

You know.. I think it'd be cool to be that person who takes freaking awesome pictures, and be that mom who has a camera with them at all times and everyone is used to it. (and her kids are always totally adorable in every shot and their hair is never out of place and their clothes MAGICALLY clean themselves because, even when the pictures are outdoors, I have NO FRIGGEN IDEA how some people's kids are spotless. Mine? Um...hello, little waifs!) I have thought it'd be super fun to take a photography course... But that would mean i would have to read my camera's manual. Chya. ..like that'll happen. I don't even read my $300.00 textbooks.

Then I would get all Alicia Silverstone-ish on the movie The Crush, and have one of those cool darkrooms and develop my own film and then, I would totally kick Alicia's butt because, unlike she did, I *would* get Cary Elwes to fall madly in love with me. And he'd be less The Crush and more The Princess Bride... Because, let's be honest here... Wesley is WAY HOTTER than fat Cary from Liar Liar.

And for the record, I wouldn't have the time of day for him cuz I'd be all in love with Will.

He'd cry a little. And I'd take a picture with my stellar picture-taking and bowhunting skills.

Instead...while I'm getting smarter at school with no time to read camera manuals, I will take these pictures of our weekend and call it good.

Still?!

Valentine's day hasn't really done much for me ever.  I'm one of those " you don't need ONE day a year to show love" type of girls.  Will is luckily off the hook for me... Will, not saying I wouldn't love whatever you did..the bouquets of flowers you're going to buy... The boxes of yummy candies or chocolate.. The special manties you are wearing under those hot jeans...
But I'm not sad if it's nothing.  (Haha.. I mean, I'm not sad if the GIFT is nothing... I wasn't referring to the things under his jeans.)

ANYWAYS...
I was thinking of all my recent valentine's days. 

Five years ago, I flew out with my newborn baby and visited my father, who had recently suffered a massive brain aneurism.  While my mother went to Mexico for my sister's wedding, I sat with a very different father and wondered if things would ever be the same.

Four valentine's days ago, I sat in another waiting room... X-weighted had chosen me for the next interview round.  I still had three more cuts to make it through, but these moments would be the catalyst for some serious changes in my life.

Three valentine's days ago,  I didn't know that THE NEXT DAY, I would find out that my husband of eight years was having an affair with a close friend.  I was thinner and healthier, but those were days i barely remember.   Thankfully.

Two valentine's days ago, I had met Will.  We were only friends at the time,  both dealing with impending divorces.  He was actually signing his papers and making sure that there was no residual feelings just in case divorce wasn't what they wanted.  I was helping Chris pack his stuff out of my home.

One valentine's day ago, I was newlywed.  I was in love like never before.  I was in Vancouver, unaware that my van would be stolen the NEXT DAY!! 

So Yah... Valentine's day is just another day, right?!   This year I may even have a quiet one.. Two exams and dinner guests. 
Grateful my father is still here.  Not still as thin.  Not still married to Chris.  Not still at the Olympics, but still driving my van.

But, above all, most grateful to still be madly in love.

And Again

It was a few days later, and Will never wrote Sarah back. He and I decided that first off, we'd never reply in the midst of the emotion, and secondly, we'd probably never reply to a message that is unkind. If the original message was approached with genuine curiosity or respect, that respect would have been returned. We know that there is no point... that replying, in ANY way, would have elicited a negative response back. And I knew that if she truly read into what I was putting on the blog, the issues weren't about HER, they were about my ability to forget the pain.

I guess not replying probably annoyed her enough that she figured she'd try another entrance point, and sent me a private message on facebook. Needless to say, it was unkind and defensive and inimical. Her message included a few good points (Will DOES look good in a lot of the clothes she bought him= although I tend to think he looks pretty good in ANYthing (or nothing at all!) *sorry Mom and Dad!! lol)

I guess I was just most surprised (or was I?) by the many outright lies... and, I think, in response to the only question she asked, I have had such a hard time with her because she is the only person who flat-out lies to me in EVERY conversation.

Be nice. Be Christlike.
But at least, if you can't pull that off,
be honest.

Figures

Shoulda seen that coming...
the moment that I start to heal and open the blog up again, Sarah is on it like white on rice.

The other night, Will and I were in bed when a text came through his phone. Sarah writes, "Why the hell does your loverly wife have issues with me? I have nothing to do with you guys."

At the moment that I originally wrote this post, in my annoyance and vexation, I just wanted to point it out that texting my husband in the middle of the night is exactly why I would have issues with ANY female.

Saying, "What the hell..." is obviously hostile and aggressive, too, so that's kinda another reason. And "your wife" has a name. "Why does Debbi have issues with me" would have been much kinder and less abrasive.

Lastly, if she has nothing to do with us.. then why does she contact our children. Saying you have nothing to do with the parent but you have something to do with the children is akin to telling a mother bear that you're only playing with her cub.
If she has nothing to do with us... then why text us?!
And if she has nothing to do with us... then why is she still reading the blog?

Glass Houses

Another student quit and has dropped out of the program. She was one of the four I have serious problems with in regards to becoming a nurse. Nothing inherently wrong with the person herself, but this is where my pride gets me:

I have geared my whole life to becoming a nurse. I have watched nurses from the very start, learned from them whenever possible, have seen what nurses are. What they do. How they act.

I have top grades in all my courses. And, part of me being a good nurse is also being a good observer of persons. An ability to look at someone and see not only underlying qualities but elusive characteristics physically and emotionally that people possess.

I vehemently admit my judgey observations when I say that this person did not have what it takes. Good person, great artist, but a bad nurse.

The unfortunate part of this whole post is that by me saying such, it makes ME a bad nurse too.

Second-Hand

I realized last night (AGAIN!) not to ask questions I may not like the answers to. I wasn't upset that he answered them, or even how... at least he was honest.

But I know I will never be Will's "first". Not his first love, first wife (these things I knew when I married him). But there doesn't seem to be any compliment or observation about him that a different wife of his hasn't already said or done.

In my pathetic realization (read: wallowing beside him in bed with my best POUTY face) and I told him my insecurities, he tried to reassure me by stating that in the very near future I will be the only one sealed to him. The only problem is that, even then, I am still not the first. What can I do that will make ME the first?!

My instant answer: Making it TO eternity suffices me pretty well, I'd say.

Frustration

I have gone five months now (which, according to our classes, qualifies as a chronic issue once you've passed three months,) dealing with the politics at school. Inevitably, when you put a hundred girls together every single day, alllllll day, and add stressful situations, you would be foolish not to expect some back-biting and/or drama.

But when every student feels like one or four of the hundred are pulling you down because of stupid questions, what do we do?

Instead of backbiting or gossiping, we (myself included) go privately to the instructors. Who then come back to our class to lecture us on being catty or stuck up. And then they give extra time during tests to those people who aren't keeping up.

My thoughts:
if they can't keep up now... why do we want to graduate them through the program and put people's lives in their hands? I take nursing very seriously. When we graduate, I honestly have some fellow students that I will NOT allow to attend to my family/loved ones. This is serious. I'm quite frustrated.

Prefacing Potential Posts

So, I am trying this whole "blog from the phone" trend.  The fact that I've even texted this many words is pretty impressive to me.   I'm a text-a-phobic type of girl who married a man with ten texting thumbs. I know, right?!  :}  (don't think too hard on that one, girlies).

I have a confession...  I blog at school.  Okay, correction, I write in my phone's little diary thingy at school.  And then I sit on the post.  Well...not literally SIT on it (unless the phone is in my back pocket).   I sit on the post for a few days until i find time to really blog. 

Point being;  don't be confused when I write something here that you PROBABLY already heard about on Facebook or something like that...  I guess its just the only way i can make sure that my amazing, awe-inspiring thoughts  get written, even if they aren't freshly posted.

Friends

The other day, an exes of mine's wife (did you follow that?), was at church. She doesn't avoid me, but she is not exactly climbing over pews to talk to me. So I decided that I would say Hi and quell any uncomfortable feelings she may have about me. Do I owe her an appology for hurting her somehow because of the person I was when I dated him? Like me about my husband's exes, does she know too much negative?

I approached/passed her in the halls and said, "Hey Jude". (Just to clarify, Jude is obviously NOT her real name.) She smiled and replied back, and we exchanged a regular, banal conversation.

I thought about it later....
I am friends with so many of my exes. I have hung out and become friends with Chris' exes, and I OFTEN have some of Will's exes over to my home. It is easy for me, and I have made some good friends that way.

And then, in that instant, an answer to those prayers of mine came to me...

people who love or who have loved the same people, should be friends.

So, that was when I unblocked Sarah from my facebook. I unblocked her from the blog.

I thought that if she and I are never friends, I've decided that it won't be because of me.

Starting Over MY Way

I know, it isn't the same blog. This space, and Daisyhalos, more specifically, used to be witty, funny, honest and... well, REGULARLY written in!

I don't know how much I'll be blogging anyways, but I figured since I have about 10 minutes a day, I can at least 'catch up' each night. If only just to keep a record of life again.

There's lots of good reasons why I don't blog now. But there's a few not-good ones.

A few nights ago, on Will's and my 'meet-a-versary' (when we met 2 years ago), I went through old blogs on Daisyhalos. Chris was still living in my home when I pretty much broke his heart the way he broke mine months before. It was hard to read the confusion I was going through, and I am so glad that I kept an honest and heartfelt record of my thoughts.

I watched the things I overcame-- and how I did it. I read about the struggles to make decisions, and then the peace I felt when I made the (sometimes heart-wrenching) choices. I am huge on forgiveness and finding peace with people, and I noticed that trend back then in my life.

I wish I still blogged that way-- the way I did before Sarah. In my life I've never had such a thorn I cannot remove and I don't know how to let go of the hurt I have felt from her.

How do you let go of something you never wanted to really grab hold of in the first place?

S.O.S = Stamp Out Stubble

So, getting older has its perks.

ANNND, it totally bites.

People stop growing hair in places where there's SUPPOSED to be hair, and they start growing it in places it REALLY shouldn't grow. That's just all wrong.

One of my biggest fears is being that girl with the beard or an obviously over-bleached mustache. YIKES.

So, last night, I was laying in bed, "not doing laundry", and I asked Will if I had a mustache. He laughed, and answered no, even though I made him look closely twice! Sure, my Dad can't grow a mustache if he tried, but that doesn't mean I'm not!

When I asked him if he'd tell me if I did have one, he replied honestly that he would. "But, how would you tell me?" I asked.

He pondered and started to reply, "Dude...."

HAHAH.
Man I love that man.